


let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead

by DuendeJunior



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuendeJunior/pseuds/DuendeJunior
Summary: “Victor...”, he said again, softer this time. “Are we really getting married? Do you really want this?”or: a serious talk about the rings





	let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead

**Author's Note:**

> I've been toying with this one for a year (the first draft is dated from July 19th, 2017) and I've been talking about this headcanon for longer than that. I'm glad I'm still here to share it.  
> (And just in case: you don't have to agree with me! This is how I make sense of how Yuuri and Victor get on the same page regarding the rings, and there are as many interpretations as there are people in this fandom, I'm sure.)
> 
> Published for Day 3 of [Autotelēs theme week](https://wewritevictuuri.tumblr.com/post/175794655811/wewritevictuuri-the-gif-was-created-by-the): Missing Moments.
> 
> Once again thanks to [Addy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrianna99/pseuds/Adrianna99) for proof-reading this and assuring me it's not a disjointed mess, to everyone at the [WeWriteVictuuri](https://wewritevictuuri.tumblr.com) server for their support, and to Isabella for always being the first one I can come to with my headcanons, from serious to silly. Love you all <3

Seen from the hotel windows, Barcelona was a breathtaking sight. Lying down on his side in Victor’s bed, Yuuri counted the myriad lights shining outside and tried to banish from his mind the vision of Victor sitting opposite of him just two days ago, his face falling when Yuuri told him their time together had to come to an end. It wasn’t the first time Yuuri had been wrong, but it was somewhere in the top ten “Worst Missteps of Katsuki Yuuri’s Life”.

But that didn’t mean there weren’t things yet to be said. He removed his right hand from under the pillow and ran his thumb over the gold ring resting there.

Behind him, there was a noise of hinges and a satisfied sigh.

“I love the shower pressure here,” Victor said. Yuuri turned his head around to see him clad in the white hotel robes, toweling his hair dry. All in all, Victor looked like an absurdly fluffy cloud.

_ You could pull him down for a kiss, _ he said to himself.  _ But no, of course you have something to say that’ll ruin the entire moment. _

He sat down on the bed, feet tucked under his thighs, put on his glasses and told his head to shut up.

“Victor,” he started, beckoning Victor closer. Victor sent him a curious look and sat down at the foot of the bed, the towel slung over his shoulder.

Yuuri bit the inside of his lips, feeling a knot forming in his throat. “Victor...”, he said again, softer this time. “Are we really getting married? Do you really want this?”

Victor cocked his head to the side, brow furrowing. “… Yes, I do?”

Yuuri released a shaky breath and averted his eyes. Soon enough his hands would start to shake too – he just hoped not to get to the point of tears tonight.

He heard Victor say his name in that soft, worried inflection he used when both of them felt out of balance. Unthinking, Yuuri brought his right hand to his mouth and pressed his lips against the ring. It felt colder to the touch now, and it clacked against his upper teeth.

Victor slid closer to him, not touching. Not yet. Not until Yuuri gave him an  _ ok _ . “Yuuri, what is it?” he asked.

Yuuri brought his hand back to his lap. “It’s just.” His insides were quivering now. “I told you it was a thank you gift, didn’t I?”

Victor nodded.

“I thought of it as a lucky charm too. For the moments when I felt unsure, or insecure,” Yuuri said. He rubbed at his nose, and saw Victor going very still.

A sardonic smile twisted his lips. “Ah,” Victor said. “Now is the moment when you say I got everything wrong, isn’t it?”

The  _ no _ that left Yuuri’s lips was a tad too loud for their hotel room. It hurt his throat.

“No, Victor,” he repeated, hoarse. He could feel the tears start pooling in his eyes. “I...” His chest felt constricted, but he forced himself to take a deep breath, even if it was painful. He couldn’t crumble before laying it all out in the open. “When I chose the steps of the cathedral to give it to you, I knew you’d see it as a proposal. I  _ wanted _ you to.” Yuuri balled his hands into fists.

“The thing is,” he went on, “I also thought I had to let you go.”

He glanced at the window again, at where Victor had been sitting two night ago with tears in his eyes. “I thought that if I didn’t retire, I’d be holding you back. A dime a dozen skater chaining Victor Nikiforov to himself. Who does he think he is?” Yuuri had to stop and raise his glasses, to rub away the wetness in his eyes. “What right did I have to think that it wouldn’t make you unhappy in the long run? And then I thought...” Yuuri stared at the wrinkled sheets under his body. “I wanted you to know I thought of marriage, but I was also sure we’d never see each other again. You’d be back in Russia to win gold, and I’d watch you from afar, like it was before.”

“Yuuri...” Victor started. Yuuri raised his hand.

“Wait. There’s… More.”

Victor closed his mouth. He looked like the world’s loveliest, most heartbreaking statue right now.

“In the end, I thought  _ this can be something for him to remember me by, when he goes. Remember us by. Maybe I can get away with this much _ .” Yuuri didn’t bother drying the tear that ran down his cheek. “It wouldn’t be right for me to have you, but maybe I could have this.”

He breathed through his nose, slow and still painful – one, two, three, four. The tremors had reached his hands.

Silence fell in the room for a long moment.

A stolen glance in Victor’s direction showed he was mirroring Yuuri’s position, and the backs of his hands looked wet. Was he crying too?

“Yuuri,” Victor said again, more breath than word. “Yuuri...”

Yuuri gulped. “Victor.”

“You wanted me to stay, but thought you had to let me go?”

“… Something like that, yeah,” Yuuri said, curling in on himself.

“Did you think I would leave you behind like that?” Victor’s words were followed by a wet chuckle.

“I don’t know,” Yuuri shrugged. “Guess I did. I couldn’t see what you’d gain from taking me with you if I retired.” He bit his tongue to keep the  _ still can’t see _ from escaping.

“God, Yuuri. Everything.” Victor’s voice broke, and Yuuri dared to look up. His fringe once again obscured the view of his eyes, but unlike the other night, the tip of his nose was reddening.

Yuuri flexed his fingers, hesitating. With some trepidation, he moved his right hand to put it over Victor’s knee.

And with trembling fingers, Victor touched him.

“There are two things outside of skating I like to call  _ L words _ ,” he said.

“ _ L words _ ?” Yuuri asked. Victor nodded without looking up.

“Yeah. Life and love.” He ran a finger over Yuuri’s ring. “You helped me find mine again, you know.”

Yuuri felt his heart jump in his chest.

“And...” Victor licked his lips. “Now that I know your love, I don’t want to be without it. Even if you tell me you want to retire after all, even if you forbid me from not going back to the ice like I promised, I want to be by your side. All the championships in the world couldn’t drag me away from you.”

Victor looked at him from under his pale lashes and leaned forward, the robe opening invitingly. Yuuri, unable and unwilling to resist his gravitational pull anymore, used the hand on Victor’s knee as leverage to pull himself closer, until he was almost on Victor’s lap. He raised his other hand to run a thumb over Victor’s tear-stained cheek.

“You know,” Victor said, letting his hand rest on the small of Yuuri’s back. “I wish you had seen Chris’ face when he found out I had commissioned  _ Stammi Vicino _ . He asked me if I finally had let someone break my heart.” He let out a humorless little laugh. “I told him that was Georgi’s domain, not mine.”

“You were beautiful. Performing it, I mean,” Yuuri said.

“I believe you,” Victor replied, whisper-soft. “But it was just another performance. I felt it, but it was so distant.” His face got closer, their breaths mingling. “Until you.”

Yuuri wished his glasses weren’t foggy; he wanted to see Victor’s astonishing eyes clearly.

Letting out a pained sound, he closed his eyes and the gap between their mouths.

Victor parted his lips and let their tongues entwine, sending a thousand shocks down their spines. Yuuri pulled on his lower lip, groaning, and moved the hand that still rested on Victor’s cheek to his hair. The other went to Victor’s heaving chest, over his heart, to feel how fast it beat against his rib cage as the kiss deepened. It matched the rhythm of Yuuri’s own heart.

He could see them skating to it, someday.

It was tempting, to keep kissing Victor, to guide him down and press him to the mattress, to untie his robe and explore every inch of his body, to leave him panting and flushed and claimed.

However, Yuuri  _ still _ wasn’t finished.

With a small pang of regret, he broke the kiss and readjusted himself on Victor’s lap.

“So,” he said, running a thumb over Victor’s pink lips. “You really want to get married. To me.”

Victor kissed his finger. “Yes, I do.”

“… After I win a gold medal?”

Victor blinked at him. “… Not necessarily?” He squeezed Yuuri’s waist a little. “If I pushed you too much at the restaurant, I’m sorry,” he said. “I just wanted to give you some extra incentive.”

“Oh. Okay.” Yuuri gave him a peck on the lips. “But… Would you mind waiting a bit more?”

“No?” Victor had a look of confusion now. “If you’re worried about winning gold, I know you’ll be amazing at Nationals  _ and _ 4C.”

“No, that’s not it, but… Thanks for the faith.”

“Always. Should  _ I _ be worried, though?”

“No, no, no!” Yuuri flailed and Victor had to squeeze him tighter to avoid them both from toppling over. “It’s just… I mean. Victor Nikiforov wants to marry me! For real! I’m not dreaming while I should be working on a paper! It’s kind of a lot!”

Victor laughed at him, but it sounded more like a cough.

“Whatever you need, my sun,” he said, nuzzling his face against Yuuri’s neck. “Out of the two of us, you might be the reasonable one. I thought of suggesting elopement.”

“Victor!”

Yuuri felt Victor grin against his skin right before biting at his pulse point. He soothed the sting with his tongue, and Yuuri felt his ears getting warmer by the second.

“I’m not  _ reasonable _ ,” he mumbled against Victor’s hair. “I’ve been writing  _ Yuuri Nikiforov _ in my notebooks since I was sixteen and you did your first photoshoot with this haircut.”

Victor gasped and raised his head to look at him.

“Yuuri! What about my long hair phase?”

“I loved it! I did!” Yuuri said. “But like Phichit told me once, you know it’s true love when he cuts his hair and the crush doesn’t die.”

Yuuri didn’t recognize the sound that left Victor’s mouth as laughter until he felt his shoulders shaking under his hands.

“Does that mean I owe Phichit one?” Victor asked between gasps of breath. Yuuri snorted.

“I bet he doesn’t even remember he said that.”

“It’s still good advice,” Victor said. “Does he like fruit? I’ll send him a fruit basket. No, wait, five fruit baskets.”

“Give him an entirely new wardrobe, he’ll appreciate it more. Or finance his future ice shows,” Yuuri countered.

“Hmm,” Victor said. “I’ll consider it.”

He pulled Yuuri down, running a thumb along his cheekbone, until their foreheads were touching. His eyes were even more mesmerizing than the lights outside their hotel room, and Yuuri felt  _ seen _ down to his core. It would have bothered him, once.

It still made Yuuri a little scared, but it also warmed him from his head down to his toes, knowing that Victor trusted him to be seen in return.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Victor said. He rained light kisses upon Yuuri’s lips. “I’m so glad I’ll get to marry you, Katsuki Yuuri.”

He smiled against Victor’s lips, Victor’s heart still beating a dear symphony under the palm of his hand.

“Me too, Vitya. Me too.”


End file.
